i'm not the ghost . . . you're not the ghost?

“Marginal.”

“Marginal? What the hell is that supposed to mean.” Kenji dejectedly snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray, jerkily pounding the orange cherry into ashes like a piston.

“Marginal,” repeated Jacqueline, a saturnine expression on her face, “As in almost, though not entirely, insufficient.” There was a silence and she looked pleadingly across the table at Kenji, who still had his eyes trained on the ashtray. “But that’s beside the point, Kenji. I’m not breaking up with you because you’re bad in bed, I’m just at a point in my life where I’m realizing that everything’s wrong. I feel like a ghost.”

“A ghost?” mumbled Kenji.

“Yeah, a ghost.”

The waitress moseyed over to their table.

“Can I get y’all some more coffee or something?” Nobody said anything. Kenji didn’t even look up, though he could hear the mucilaginous sound of the waitress’ teeth mashing bubble gum. The rest of the diner was empty.

“No thank you, we’re fine,” Jacqueline finally responded, glancing at the waitress with an awkward smile.

“Alright, just let me know if you kids need anything.” The waitress moseyed off again. From the kitchen came the noise of a plate hitting the ground and shattering. A loud curse followed.

“I’m going to leave.” Kenji reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet, avoiding eye contact with Jacqueline. He dropped a few bills on the table and stood up. “I’ll see you around.”

“Good-bye,” said Jacqueline quietly, looking across the table at the empty space that he had just evacuated. She heard the bells on the door angrily rattle as Kenji shoved it open to exit into the night.

“Good night!” called the waitress from the counter. Kenji strode off without turning around. Jacqueline continued to stare at the deflated space across from her.

The waitress looked at Jacqueline for a few minutes and ruminated on her lone figure. She walked around the counter and over to the table. “Mind if I sit?” she asked, indicating Kenji’s former place. Jacqueline gave a disinterested hand motion. The waitress slid into the booth with her red, lipsticked lips pursed in concern. She reached across the table and took Jacqueline’s hand. “What’s wrong honey?”

Jacqueline sighed and looked out the adjacent window, which gave a view of the deserted parking lot. Her eyes felt sallow and sunken in her face. “I’m a ghost,” she sniffed mournfully.

Kenji slammed his open palms against the top of the steering wheel. Marginal? What the hell was she talking about? She’s the ghost! He rolled down the car window with violent arm movements and then lit another cigarette. The streets were empty and dissonantly lit by the tarnished yellow aura of the street lights.

He came to a red light and braked. All around him the city was completely motionless. The only sound was the hum of the car engine. Kenji turned his head from one side of to the other, glancing down both directions of the intersecting street. He took a drag on the cigarette and then pushed on through the red light.

He pulled out his cell phone and called Caitlin. “Caitlin, I’m not bad in bed, am I?” he asked immediately when she answered, adopting a slightly more desperate voice than he had intended.

“Oh boy . . .” she groused sardonically.

“I’m serious.”

“Why don’t you come over? You sound like you’re in rough shakes.”

“OK,” said Kenji gratefully. He hung up and took one last drag before he flicked his cigarette out the window. Orange embers flew as the wind caught the stub.

“This life ain’t no cake walk,” agreed the waitress, nodding in consolation, “That’s for sure. I remember when I was your age . . .” she trailed off dreamily.

“I mean, when I think about life, it always seems so endless in its possibilities, but . . .” Jacqueline paused, furrowing her brow in concentration. She lipped a couple silent words and then looked pleadingly across at the waitress, donning the same helpless expression she had shown Kenji an hour ago. The waitress took Jacqueline’s hand again.

Kenji rolled off of Caitlin and onto his back. He stared up at the ceiling panting, his face gleaning with sweat. He laughed out loud. “Caitlin, you’re the best friend a guy could ever have.”

Caitlin laughed back. “You’re the best guy a friend could ever have.”

“Is that your dad?” asked Kenji, pointing at a picture of a man that was propped up on Caitlin’s dresser.

“Yeah,” she giggled, “He’s been watching us this entire time.”

“That’s a creepy thought,” said Kenji. He rolled over and tickled Caitlin on the stomach.

“Stop it!” she squealed. He started kissing her neck. Caitlin’s cell phone began ringing on the nightstand. “Oh shit,” she said, gently pushing Kenji off of her, “It’s probably Derek. One sec.” She flipped the phone open and answered, tinging her words with a feigned sleepiness. “Yeah . . . That’s OK honey . . . no, no, come over, it’s fine . . . no, I’m awake now. Come over.” She shut the phone.

“I thought you broke up with that jerk,” accused Kenji.

“Yeah, but I still like sleeping with him.”

“For Allah’s sake,” it felt like a giant drain in his stomach had suddenly been opened, “You just slept with me! What the hell do you need him for?”

“Jesus, don’t be so melodramatic.”

“But I’m the Krishna for all you gopis.” Kenji felt like he was leaning over the brink of his sanity.

“Trust me, Kenji, you’re no Krishna. And stop being so melodramatic. I did you a favor tonight. Now hurry up and get dressed. Derek sounded drunk, and he’s gets mean when he’s drunk. Jehovah knows what he’d do to you if he caught you up here.”

“You’re running a friggin’ brothel,” mumbled Kenji angrily as he disentangled himself from the sheets. He looked away from Caitlin as he pulled his jeans on and slipped his t-shirt over his head.

“Well, tell the ghost I said hi, will ya?” Caitlin retorted.

“The ghost broke up with me tonight.”

“Oh,” her tone suddenly dropped its harsh edge, “That explains why you’ve been acting so strange.” She sat up. “You’ve been seeing that girl forever. Oh, you poor baby.” She got out of the bed and hugged him from behind. Her flesh felt warm against his clothes. She kissed him on the back of the neck. “It’s probably for the best, though. It can’t be healthy to date a girl who’s always talking about how ghostly her life is. She’s like a zombie that knows one song, but won’t ever stop singing.”

“I better get going.”

“Derek will probably be here any second.” She kissed him on the cheek one more time.

“I’ll see you around.” Kenji headed for the bedroom door, giving a parting gesture over his shoulder without turning around. Caitlin cocked her head as she watched him disintegrate into the darkened hallway.

“I’ve probably wasted enough of your time, anyway, carrying on about my problems and all. I’ll be fine, honest.” Jacqueline gathered her purse and coat into a bundle between her arms. “Thanks for sitting with me though. You’ve been amazing.”

The waitress smiled. “Hell, I appreciate you sticking around with me. Normally I’d’ve spent the whole damn night sitting behind that counter in a deserted diner. It’s been nice to have someone to talk to for once.”

“Have a good day,” said Jacqueline sweetly as she stood up. Her legs felt a little cramped from sitting so long. “The coffee was wonderful, by the way.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Jacqueline gave one more good-bye before she walked out of the diner. Her car was the only one in the parking lot. She shuffled through her purse, searching for her keys.

As she sat down behind the steering wheel, she realized that she had never even asked the waitress for her name. She paused to think for a second. “Whatever,” she mumbled to herself, starting the engine. She shifted into first gear and pushed on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward. “She’s kind of a depressing woman anyway,” addressing the city through her windshield.